Frustration 11/21/2010
 
Hitting walls today, trying to get things done and making no progress.  Bought snow tires, a year ago, no snow.... today snow, but Les Schwab tells me my "new" tires are not good.  I leave them there because i don't know what else to do.  I can't buy "new" ones.  Then i am told... get them back.... so i will try tomorrow.  in the meantime i buy chains because it is snowing and i must be able to get to work.  I am not looking forward to putting them on myself.... but when money is tight this is what we do.  right?  I realized i want the hard times to be over.  I want to be able to buy things when i need them.  It is supposed to get better.  I believe it will.  but sometimes i get a little weary.  the warrior is a child (Twi
 
on the treadmill 11/10/2010
 
Today i feel like i am on a treadmill.  Like nothing is happening.  Like life is at a standstill and i wonder how i can feel that way when so many good things are happening.  I think it is because i am so used to going all the time and considering so many schedules.  Now it is just my schedule, and it feels a little dull, because i am doing all i can and waiting.  I think i will try to have some fun while i wait for things to unfold.  Try not to be anxious and realize it is okay that i am focusing on myself.  It just feels so odd.  I wonder how long it will be like this?
 
 
I had the good fortune to puppy sit for my daughter and her husband over the weekend.  I fed and played with the horses, dogs and cat.  It was great fun, i love the farm, and i had really been thinking i missed it.  But by Monday morning i was very sore.... I forgot how much work it was to take care of kids, feed animals and keep the fire burning.  It was great fun for a weekend but i am extremely grateful to be living in a place of rest.  That was hard work
 
 
Gordon shares on the audio blog how it has been for him to adjust to single parenting. He talks about combining strengths of both parents.  He also talks about forg
 
At the library 10/07/2010
 
I was at the library today.   I saw a mom with four little ones.  They were so cute and so little and I was remembering my kids when they were little and thinking about being an empty nester and missing the little ones.  All the fun, hugs, questions.  I raised my kids in the library, we were there once a week if not more. I was jerked back to reality when an elderly man... actually he probably wasn't much older than me.  He saw my arms loaded with books and asked if i had a match.
 
 
Don't you hate it when someone 'shoulds" on you? I do, then i realized I "should" on people and that made me take a second look at how I communicate.  I started paying attention to when i say should, usually with my family.  I started catching myself once i was aware and looked for new ways to say the same thing.  Shoulding makes me feel like the person delivering the should thinks i am dumb.  That i can't think for myself or figure things out.  So when i should on others they probably feel the same way.  Whether we mean it or not, should is offensive.  What are some other ways we could say should? You should put your laundry away.  Will you put your laundry away? What is keeping you from putting away your laundry?  I find curiousity rather than assumption goes a long way.  Create a should free zone in your home. 
 
Back to School 09/08/2010
 

I love back to school, all the supplies go on sale and i stock up on notebooks, i never seem to have enough.  But this year I' wasn't sending anyone back to school.  In the book i talk about "this too shall pass", we keep going through the hardships because it will change and get a little easier.  And now here i am an empty nester and i am missing football, school activities, and back to school shopping (not the expense however).  Funny how life changes and moves on. 

 
Weddings 08/23/2010
 
My niece was married this past weekend and it was picture perfect in every way.  It reminded me of my daughters wedding. Which was perfect too.  But after the wedding when all was said and done, I went home to any empty house.  It was late at night, so making calls didn't seem appropriate.  It was before facebook, and i remeber the impact of marrying my daughter and no one to celebrate it with.  I am okay now and it is fun to remember the wedding and the perfect day.  But i just remember the lonliness afterward.  Just wondered if anyone else has had a similiar single parent adventure.
 
 

Today I ran into an old friend and we spent hours visiting.  It was so wonderful to catch up.  It reminded me of how far I have come.  Some times I get caught up in "today" and forget about all the things I have overcome.  It was nice to reflect back on good times and some not so good times.  We agreed about how important our support systems have been.  Church, community, friends, family and more.  We really can't do it alone.  This wonderful woman saw me through a difficult time in my life.  She helped me read between the lines, holding my hand so to speak, validated me, reminded me and kept me grounded in "knowing what I know" she helped me through.  We lost touch and got on with our lives and then years later connect and pick it up like no time had passed.  T

 
 
Marlee shares a story on the audio blog about a single mom she "ran into'.  Roxy became a great friend and taught a lesson that Marlee shares about learning to receive.  I was most impacted by the activity Roxy did with a group of women.  She asked how many were "givers" they all raised their hands.  She asked how many were recievers? One woman raised her hand.  She brought the woman who was a reciever and one who was a "giver" to the front of the room and gave them each an empty cup.  She went to the giver and asked, can I give you some water?
She said "Oh no, I am fine"  Then Roxy went to the reciever and asked, would you like some water and she said "SURE".  Roxy left and when she returned she said she had been on a journey and she was parched. Tired and thirsty.  She went to the "giver" and asked, do you have any water you could give me? You guessed it, the one who loved to give had nothing to give.  Then she asked the "reciever" would you have any water you could give me? and again, she emphatically said "SURE".  Ebb and flow, give and recieve, or maybe it is recieve and give?